The History and Meaning of Handfasting

Angel Indovina

The Handfasting gesture seems to have been derived from one of the ancient Indo-European images of male-female conjunction, the infinity sign, whose twin circles represented the sun (female) and the moon (male) or in some of the southern Mediterranean traditions it was sun (male) and moon (female). The date may be chosen to be near a full moon. Handfastings during the month of May are rare because that is the month of the union of the Goddess and God. (Most Wiccans are duotheistic: they believe in two deities, one female and the other male.)The very word handfasting got its origin in the wedding custom of tying the bride and groom’s hands (actually, wrists) together. In some versions, this is only done for as long as the ceremony lasts, but in others, the cord is not untied until the marriage is physically consummated. Handfasting is the marriage rite used by many. The term itself comes from the custom of shaking hands over a contract.

Originally, if a handfasting was performed with the two left hands together without the tying of the knot, as was the custom of rich and influential German nobility, it meant that the woman was a mistress and would not be able to claim the name, inheritance, property, etc. of the real wife and was only in the protection of the man. But her offspring would be taken care of as legal heirs second in line to the man’s legal and first wife. Having lots of children was once the only form of “Social Security” in one’s old age. The previous combinations were all considered legal and binding in an engagement or marriage except for the “left hand ritual.”

Two-handed Handfasting is still constituted a fully legal marriage throughout Europe whether the blessing of the church was sought or not. Handfasting Marriage is now one the Seven Sacraments that had been ignored by the church for centuries. Only the very wealthy and affluent could afford church marriages. Handfastings were under the jurisdiction of common law rather than canon law. * (In the 16th century in Switzerland, if couples were seen in public drinking together they could be considered married.)The officiating person must hold a valid license issued by the government to perform marriages. Obtaining such a license is a simple procedure for clergy who are affiliated with an established denomination. Some jurisdictions require a faith group to have been registered for a minimum number of years before their clergy are eligible for licensing. In many cases, the regulations assume that a “traditional” church structure is in place, with a defined laity and clergy; Wiccans, other Neopagans, Aboriginal spirituality, etc. sometimes have difficulty adapting to these requirements. A marriage license does have to be purchased in advance as with traditional weddings. Various jurisdictions have regulations which prohibit the issuance of a license if the couple does not meet certain gender, age, medical, and consanguine criteria. A license may expire after some period of time. If a spouse has been married before, proof of divorce or annulment is normally required. A minimum interval of time may be required between the purchase of the license and the ceremony.  There must be witnesses at the ceremony, other than the officiating person and the couple, who will sign the license. A minimum of two is typical. The couple must be aware that they are engaging in a ceremony that will be cause them to be permanently married according to state/federal law. You might wish to check in advance with the local office that issues licenses as various states and provinces have their own special regulations.  Alternately, a handfasting can be simply a declaration by a couple that they wish to form a temporary or permanent “common-law” relationship. The couple would not be married after the ritual. In either case the presider challenges them to drink from the same cup. Each drinks separately. Then each holds the cup so that the other may drink. This symbolizes the need for a balance between apartness and togetherness in their future life together. The couple will face each other, joining both their left and right hands together. Their arms and bodies form a figure 8 when viewed from above. The double circle is both the mathematical infinity symbol and an ancient religious symbol for the union of a man and woman. The presider will place a cord, ribbon, or strip of cloth over the couple’s hands. It may be loosely tied; it might be red in color, symbolizing life. Also the couple may use a knife to cut off a lock of each other’s hair and is put in a silver box. This symbolizes their future relationship, one as intimate as the mixing of their hairs.  

This symbolizes that the handfasting is a commitment, but one that is not an onerous one. One year and a day after being handfasted, the couple may return to the presider and repeat their vows with the cord or cloth tightly knotted. This symbolizes the intent to have a permanent relationship. This ritual is the source of the expression “to tie the knot.”

There are variations, of course.  Melissa and Jesse’s is here.  It was a lovely ceremony, and everyone seemed happy!

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